The Fifth Psychiatrist
by Twozulz
Summary: Twelve years and four psychiatrists. Well actually, there were five, but Amy Pond doesn't think she should mention him. Because even though she hasn't seen her Raggedy Doctor for years, something in his eyes looks the same- she's just seen them in a blue suit and Converse. Previous one-shot, now including two bonus chapters!
1. Chapter 1

The Doctor looked about the room that was his colleague's office, somewhere in downtown London. It was seven o' clock, and after a tiring end to the day that involved biting, screaming, and crying, he was exhausted. To say the least. 1969, sure. More like thirty years later. Stupid Sally Sparrow. It was her fault for getting the date wrong.

Actually, it was all Martha's fault. She was the one who pestered him to get a job in order to support themselves until they could get the TARDIS back again from the Weeping Angels. She was the one who thought that he wasn't doing enough "for the rent" by just fiddling with his timey-whimey detector. She was the whole reason he was working overtime tonight when he all he really wanted was a nice cup of tea. She was why he had decided to do a favour for Ms. Austen while she went on a date with that handsome new clerk from the front desk, John Fisher. Martha Jones was why he had decided to become a psychiatrist.

Well, really, he had no idea why he had decided to become a psychiatrist. Of all potential Earth professions! Maybe it was because he didn't have to work many hours. Maybe it was because he felt he was actually doing something each day. Maybe it was because of the surprisingly high salary- more than Martha got in the shop, anyway. Maybe it was because of his astonishing success in the field that had flabbergasted all his colleagues for three weeks. Or maybe, it was really just because the Time Lord thought that in helping others, he could help himself.

Whatever the reason or who was to blame or why he was even here now, the Doctor realised he couldn't do anything about it. Sighing but accepting his fate, he gazed around the office a bit more, taking in his surroundings. There was a long wooden desk, not unlike the one in his own workplace, and a sofa with thousands of magazines on it. The only other things in the room were various posters and a little table with crayons on it. And, at the table, was a girl drawing away.

The Doctor got closer. She was probably around ten years old, and she was small to boot. Her eyes, though completely focused on the paper in front of her, held a type of fire and determination that was not fit for such a young child. Not to mention that astounding ginger hair of hers, the Doctor thought as he turned to look at the clock, mentally running over the file he had read minutes earlier about his temporary patient. Amelia Pond. Ten years old. All the way from Leadworth, so make her visit worthwhile. A bit on the angry side… He struggled to remember more as he carefully adjusted his blue pinstriped suit and made sure his Converse were on tight.

"You don't look like Ms. Austen."

The man glanced back at the girl again, who was now staring at him with those impossible eyes. Putting on his specs (they made him look more qualified) and a smile, the Doctor responded. "Oh, it's okay. I'm Doctor John Smith. Ms. Austen's just on a little… errand today. I'm filling in for her. Just for today though. So if you don't like me, I'll be leaving anyway!"

The girl had no reaction to this humour. "You mean she's out on a date with Mr. Fisher, right?" the child asked.

Grinning and coming to sit on the chair across from her, the Time Lord ruffled her hair, much to the obvious discomfort of the girl. "Smart, you are!" he replied affectionately. He leaned back and crossed his arms. "You must be Amelia Pond. Great name, by the way. Lovely. Like a fairytale princess." The man smiled again.

Weirdly, the so-said Amelia stiffened at this statement. Glancing back down at her drawing, she curtly replied, "It's Amy."

"Well, Amy…" the Doctor said, trying to initiate conversation. "I can't help but notice your little… Scottish lilt." He frowned and brought his face towards hers. "So what's such a Scottish soul doing in Leadworth?"

Amy seemed to stiffen at this as well, but she looked the man in the eyes this time. "I moved there with Aunt Sharon after my parents disappeared, like…" Suddenly, she stopped and stared at the Doctor as if she was searching for something deeply hidden underground.

"Like what?" the Doctor asked, befuddled to both the girl's staring and her parents' fate.

But Amy just looked back down at her drawing. "Nothing," she replied. "A car wreck. That's how they went away. I forget sometimes."

Still confused, and a little bit disturbed, but not wanting to grill the child, he decided to bring up mainly what he remembered her file had been about. "Now, Amy, what about your Raggedy Man?"

Now this sentence conjured the strangest reaction of all. As the child met his gaze he could sense so many emotions- happiness, joy, sadness, anger, disappointment… and an emotion he could only define as waiting.

"He crashed into the shed," Amy started, dropping the crayon she had been holding all evening. "And he came into my house while Aunt Sharon was out." She was smiling now. "He was hungry, so I cooked for him. All the things he said he's liked before didn't work out, but he finally chose fish fingers and custard." The Doctor made a face and she chuckled, but then continued, becoming eerily stony-faced.

"He fixed the crack in my wall, with all the voices. The girl stopped and frowned. "Said it was two pieces that should never have touched. Talked about space, and rifts, and other such nonsense but I couldn't understand him, really. It was all gibberish." Then, she smiled again, with a hint of sadness in those fiery eyes. "And then he went away, like everybody does. Said he'd come back in five minutes, but… it's been three years." Amy Pond locked eyes with the Time Lord again. "You don't believe anything I just said. Just like everybody else." She sighed and picked up her blue crayon again, but was stopped from drawing by a certain Doctor's hand.

He gazed at the girl with sadness beyond her years and spoke as soothingly as he could. "Oh, I believe you, Amy Pond. Adults always say that children are the ultimate liars, but really, they're the ones free of prejudice and bias, so innocently full of truth. I'm not here to tell you that man's not real. I'm here to help you cope until he comes back for you. Because I know he will, Amy. No one ever truly leaves."

And amidst his genuine surprise as the girl gave him the biggest grin he had ever seen come from her, he also realised that he couldn't deny that something was so very, _painfully,_ familiar about this Raggedy Man. However, he couldn't resist smiling to when Amy Pond remarked, "You really aren't like the others, are you?"

The rest of the evening went swimmingly as Amy and the Doctor conversed. It started out with the little, normal things- favourite colours, subjects, and pet names- but gradually got deeper. Fears, pain, loss, and sadness were talked about with such ease it was hard to believe this conversation was between an alien and a ten-year-old child.

But good things must come to an end.

"Goodbye! I wish you could come next week!" Little Amelia Pond hugged her Doctor as tight as she possibly could as she stood up from the drawing table. Smiling, he watched as she waved out the door toward the parking lot, turning his back to start cleaning up when-

"You know, it's funny."

The Doctor swiveled around to see his tiny enigma standing in the doorway. The girl smiled as she leaned against the side, staring at him yet again with unprecedented forcefulness. "You remind me of him," she continued.

"Remind you of whom?" the Doctor asked, puzzled.

Laughing, she replied. "My Raggedy Man. Your eyes, really. You're so young, yet your eyes seem to hold everything in the universe. Like his." Shaking her head, Amy walked over to him, putting a folded-up piece of paper into his blue suit's pocket. "Keep it," she instructed, pointing a finger at him. Then, grinning once again, she started to leave the room.

But he had to say something to that marvelous girl. Oh, she would make a fascinating companion. Maybe when she was older. "Amy Pond!" he yelled, just as soon as she had disappeared from sight.

"What now?" a voice sounded as a bit of fiery red hair appeared in the entryway.

Grinning, the Doctor talked. "You know, I think you're Raggedy Man will come back for you. I know it. Never give up hope, Amy. One day, you're impossible life will make so much more sense. Thank you for a wonderful session, Miss Pond."

Still smiling widely, she pursed her lips. "I hope so, Doctor Smith. And you're most welcome. Thanks for…" Amy Pond began. "Everything." Beaming widely, she walked away- this time for good.

The Doctor turned away too; curiosity pressing him to fish that piece of paper Amy had given him out of his pocket. What was he expecting? Why did this little scrap seem so important? It was probably just some silly drawing or message, nothing meaningful. Nothing like what he was about to see.

A blue police box.

A drawing of an old 1960s blue police box.

_His _blue police box.

His beautiful, sexy TARDIS that he missed so deeply.

And _then_ he knew who Amy's Raggedy Man was.

Her Raggedy Doctor.

He never forgot, either. Even when he landed that fateful day at little fairytale Amelia Pond's (well, more like crash-landed), even when all those neurons were messed up and jiggling around after regeneration, he never forgot.

He knew he'd have to leave her waiting, he knew how much her life didn't make sense. But no matter how much he wanted to change it all, the Time Lord knew he couldn't. It was a fixed point in time and could not be changed or altered.

He made up for it though. The best he could, at least. He came back and took Pond to see the universe, just like he had wanted to since they met in that psychiatrist's office.

Oh sure, he still felt guilty all the time about having to make her wait, ridiculed and disappointed, for so many years. But the Doctor took a bit of solace in the fact that she was never really alone.

Because no one ever truly leaves.

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**I'm so busy with all my chapter stories right now so I just wanted to do a little one-shot. Really have no idea how I came up with this- I just really like Amy and Ten together and I watched Blink a few days ago, I guess. Actually, come to think of it, this is my first published one-shot, by the way! Hope you enjoy and please read, review, and favourite! Love you all! **

**NOTE: I promise, people who are reading Just a Programme and A Lonely Child, that they will be updated soon. Thank you so much for your patience.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Because of the demand of this story (almost 30 favourites?!) and as a suggestion from WayWorseThanScottish, I've decided to add two "bonus" chapters to this previous one-shot. Hope you enjoy and thank you for all your kind reviews!**

* * *

Amy Pond stood near the captain's chair in the TARDIS, watching the Doctor race around the console, pulling levers and pushing buttons. She was still panting from their narrow close call at the Dalek Asylum.

And though she knew that nothing would be the same after that encounter, Amy couldn't deny that everything just felt right at that moment. She was back in the TARDIS with the Doctor. Rory and her had reconciled and were planning to revoke their divorce papers. The Ponds and the Time Lord had gone on yet another adventure, saving the universe. Everything had been fixed like the Doctor fixed his bowtie. It was the way things were supposed to be.

But something was also tugging at her mind, saddening her, and it wasn't just because of the Asylum. There seemed to be so many words she wanted to say to this man, but she just couldn't get those words out, her mouth opening and closing like a fish. She was so preoccupied that she didn't even see the man himself turn to look at her.

"You alright?"

Amy jumped at the comment, happy to see it was just the Doctor and soon calming herself down. "Yeah, of course I'm fine. Absolutely fine."

The man raised his eyebrows, clearly not believing her. "Are you sure you don't have anything to say, Amelia?"

Yes. There were so many things she wanted to ask him. But she just couldn't. No matter how much she felt she needed to, the sentences just wouldn't come out of her mouth. So the woman shook her head. "No, of course not," she replied, and then busied herself with a weird swirl-y thing attached to the TARDIS console.

The Doctor looked suspicious at first, but then shrugged as he went back to typing on a typewriter. And the more Amy watched him, the more she knew her chances of at least understanding this mysterious man a bit were escaping her. And she couldn't pass up that opportunity, could she?

"Why did you leave us?" she found herself blurting.

The Doctor suddenly swivelled around at this statement, staring at her with his great big green eyes, a look of disbelief and sadness on his face. "Leave you?" he asked, obviously uncertain.

"Yeah, leave us," Amy said, realising how harsh it sounded. "Ever since April, when you dropped Rory and me off in London, we always got a call from you. A visit even, if we were lucky. But for one whole month, you just disappeared. No answering machine messages. No phone calls. Nothing." The woman realised just how flushed and angry she was getting now. "And that's when you were missed the most, Doctor. That's when we split up! You weren't there, raggedy man! Of all the times we needed you, you weren't there!" Amy yelled, feeling little tears fall down her cheeks.

For a few moments, the Time Lord just looked flabbergasted. But after this brief second of shock, the Doctor immediately walked over to Amy and hugged her as tight as he could. And even though she was still utterly, stupidly mad at him, the Scottish girl returned his embrace.

He soon let go and looked at her eye to eye, still holding one of her hands in his. "Amy," he began, smiling. "Remember Pond, my Helmic regulator wasn't working properly. And besides… Nobody ever truly leaves."

Against her will, Amy could feel the anger resurfacing. Helmic regulator? A stupid, stupid, stupid technical term. And how dare he just put her feelings off to the side with such an idiotic philosophical sentence? By god, he wasn't even the person who had said that to her so many years ago!

That person so many years ago…

For some reason, amidst all her frustration, Amy was transported back to that day when she was ten, when she drew her raggedy man's time machine on that sheet of paper. Handing it to that Mr Smith who was her psychiatrist for a day. He was the only person who ever really, truly believed her. And she remembered in every detail what he had said to her before she left, to be taken home by Aunt Sharon and go back to Leadworth, to boring, everyday regular life.

_"Remember Amelia… no one ever truly leaves."_

"And he's right you know. They never do."

Amy stared at the Doctor, eyes wide. "How did you-"

The man chuckled and sat down beside her on the captain's chair, where she had relayed her story to him. "You really should know when you're thinking to yourself and when you're talking out loud."

She punched him very hard in the arm, and after the resounding "OW!" came from him, they sat in silence, just enjoying their time alone together- all enmity forgotten. Until the Doctor suddenly stood up and looked at her with an inquisitive eye.

"Do you think I keep a lot of secrets, Amy?" he said after a few moments of quiet, twiddling his thumbs.  
Amy laughed as she stood up from the chair. "Are you kidding me, Doctor? You have too many damn secrets. It drives me mad," she replied.

The Time Lord smiled softly. "Then consider this your consolation prize," he whispered, as he pulled a scrunched-up piece of paper from one of the seemingly never-ending pockets in his pants.

She took it from him, chuckling. "Only a consolation prize, Doctor? I think I'm more in the lead for a grand prize that involves going to a leisure planet or something, not just an idiotic scrap of paper. What could this ever possibly have to do-"

Now Amelia Pond had battled pirates, seen the second Big Bang and watched the world come back again, met Vincent Van Gogh, and saved a starwhale in outer space- but the girl had never been so dumfounded as she stared now at what was in her hand- a scribbled crayon drawing of the TARDIS, looking like it had been drawn by a seven year old.

And in fact, it had been drawn by a seven year old. Because, though she hadn't seen it in so many years, there it was. She now held the picture that she had given that mysterious Mr. Smith in that psychiatric office.

Amy stared into her Raggedy Man's deep green eyes, a mixture of grief and anger bubbling up underneath her. She raised the drawing to his face, tears threatening to spill from her eyelids. "How did you get this?" the girl sniffled, waving it in the Time Lord's face as if that would somehow make him more sympathetic towards her plight. "What happened to him?" Receiving no response, Amy began to cry even louder. "Doctor, what happened to him? Is he all right? Please tell me he's alright." The tears that she had tried so hard to keep back were now flowing freely as she waited for an answer.

Slowly, the Doctor came over to her and grinned weakly. "It's okay, Pond," he started, a strangely sorrowful look on his face. "Mr. Smith is fine, I can assure you." The man reached out to gently put his hand on her face. "Don't worry, Amelia."

"But how do you know?" Amy questioned, the tears beginning to subside but still stinging her face as she reached for his hand. "When did you meet him? How do you know?"

The Time Lord withdrew his hand from her face and quietly chuckled, much to the girl's confusion. Then, those old, old eyes locked on to hers, and the man began to speak. "I know. Because- because I am him. I'm Mr. Smith, Amy."

His companion stepped backwards, obviously overwhelmed by the statement. "No," she said, shaking her head, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. "No, you can't be. You look completely different!"

"Didn't I ever tell you about regeneration?" the Doctor explained, coming towards her again. "That night that I landed, well more like crash-landed, I guess, in your garden- when you were just little Amelia Pond? I had just regenerated, hence all the swirly gold-y stuff. Changed every cell in my body to become a new man. The Time Lords' little trick of cheating death, I like to say." He smiled at her, then frowning again as he continued to tell his story.

"When I first met you, in that psychiatrist's office, I had gotten stuck in 1999 with my current companion, Martha. Courtesy of the Weeping Angels, you see." The man made a face that amidst her bafflement and shock caused Amy to giggle. "It was my tenth regeneration, and that woman kept bugging me all the time to get a job, to support us until we could go back to our own time. So I became a psychiatrist, and one day I ended up doing a favour for that lovely girl-"

"Ms. Austen," his companion realised, finishing for him.

"Right, Ms. Austen- and she wanted to go on a date with Mr. Fisher, so I took you on for that night. And then I met Miss Amelia Pond." The Time Lord reached out to hold her hand again. "And my life was changed forever."

"But if you knew me before your TARDIS crashed into my shed," Amy whispered, slowly coming to terms with everything that she had just been told. "Then that means that you heard everything I told you that night- about you, about how you abandoned me." For some reason she started to shake with fury. "So why didn't you change it? You knew what was going to happen. Time can be rewritten. So why didn't you rewrite it?" the girl emphasized, staring into the face of her Raggedy Man.

"Not that moment, Amy." the Doctor whispered, a deep pain in his features like his companion had never seen before. "There is certain instances in time that can't be changed, that have to stay the way they are, or else the universe will stop in its tracks. Like with River and Lake Silencio," he said. "And leaving you, I realised I couldn't rewrite that. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't. But know that if I could," the Time Lord said, a determined look on his face. "I would have. Because I would do anything for you, my Amelia."

Then suddenly, those tears were flowing again as Amy stared into the face of that young yet impossibly old lonely man. The girl soon found her arms embracing the man in a tight hug and murmured softly into his ears as she felt the embrace returned. "Thank you, Mr. Smith."

"Thank you, Amelia Pond," she heard back through her sniffles." For a great session."

And as they chuckled and grinned in their embrace, their crying splotching their faces red as they rocked back and forth with each other, Amy knew that this was where she wanted to be.

Because the tale of her and her Doctor was just too wonderful to not be told.


	3. Chapter 3

He has it in his hands now. He wasn't too late. He doesn't want to think about what would have happened if he had been. But for now, the Doctor just doesn't think as he feels the wrinkled paper of the last page of that godforsaken book and begins to read the words before him, pulling out those reading glasses that are still in his pocket. _Her_ glasses.

_"Hello, old friend. And here we are, you and me."_

Oh, him and Amy. The way it should be right now. The Time Lord continues reading, adjusting himself on the park bench, trying with all his might not to start crying.

_"And above all else, know that we will love you always."_

He loved her too. And Rory. Those magnificent, glorious Ponds. All gone now. So far away from him. For no reason at all. The man thought trying to save the universe would give him rewards. That maybe, for a time, it could repay him for his generous favours to its safety.

But the universe doesn't care, does it?

_"And you might be alone, which you never should be. Don't be alone, Doctor."_

How can he go on though? How can he forget all the lives he has ruined? He can't put anyone through that anymore. The Doctor has to save the universe, but this time, not from the Daleks, or the Cybermen.

But from himself.

_"There's a little girl waiting in a garden…"_

Yes, there is. The Doctor's Amelia Pond. The innocent child, waiting forever for her Raggedy Man to come home for her. Those days are long gone though. And he messed it all up.

_"This is the story of Amelia Pond. And this is how it ends."_

The Time Lord has always said he doesn't like endings. He knows, throughout all his years travelling throughout the universe, that there is always a finish to everything. Everything has its time, and everything ends. But the memories stay, the good pile and the bad pile. They never leave. And that's what he meant so long ago, when he was a psychiatrist stuck in 1999 with a young Scottish girl.

_"No one ever truly leaves."_

But they have. His Ponds have. He can never bring them back. And it was all his fault. He wasn't the Doctor he should have been. He didn't earn that title.

Because he can't bear to mess everything up again. The universe has decided it doesn't care, hasn't it?

And frankly, the man doesn't either. Not anymore. And never again.


End file.
